Ever wondered where the old sayings come from?

I was sitting around and thinking about what's been happening in my life the past few months, and it brought to mind the old saying "If you love someone, let them go..." and that. So I started wondering about the origin of this phrase, as well as some others, and what the basis for them was originally. In a sense, I suppose that for a few months over the summer, I did let the woman I love "go" for a bit - and I did also, for a little while, get her back afterwards. The whole affair brought the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" to mind, and in a sense I suppose it did apply to us. Now that we're always in the same lectures, with some of the same friends and loads of work to be doing, I find it hard to take my mind off everything.

There are times when I wish I could just press a switch and hey presto, I'm no longer perpetually hauling around these feelings. That if, perhaps, I no longer had to suffer with feeling so hollow and alone without her; with having my first thoughts in a morning being the fact I miss her and that her absence is so unpleasant; with having to deal with the knowledge that a lot of the problem is my fault, and that for everything I'm doing to make things better I'm actually just making it worse. It's amusing knowing that my friends at uni are convinced I'm a cold, heartless bastard, and to some extents I suppose they're right. I'm not particularly outgoing or friendly, I don't know how to be that kind of person. I have a lot of issues to sort out with people in general, and I'm trying to overcome a lot of them, but I've still got a lot of work to do.

Then it occurs to me, that the fact that I can't just turn off the way I feel suggests that perhaps what I'm feeling is what I genuinely want to feel rather than something I think I feel, and I realise that to me at least my continual efforts to not let this be gone for good shows I care. Others may see it differently, I don't know. I don't know how she sees things. It's sad, really. That I know so little about this woman who knows so much about me. I hate myself for that. I really do.

Perhaps I should just wait it out and see how it goes.